I’ve been following Eric the Undertaker for over a year. Perhaps because of his profession, he is the most insightful person I have heard relating to grief. In this post he talks about five things he would say to his son, but I think these apply to anyone special in your life who has died – child, spouse, parent, friend.
Please Don’t Go
This song has been out for ten years but I only had it show up in my Instagram feed yesterday. This is such a powerful song, written by Stephanie Rainey in the depths of her grief over the loss of her 1 year old nephew. The lyrics will hit anyone who has had a significant loss. I know it hit me.
Random Waves of Sadness
It’s not just the anniversaries that ache. It’s the quiet moments that catch you off gaurd, reminding you of how deeply you loved.
The Bread Making Start
Buying a bread machine, or making bread in general, was not on my radar five months ago. But a visit to Italy started it all.
My great nephew was getting married in Italy and several of my extended family went to witness the event and to experience the country. I did not go, but my younger daughter did, as well as several nieces and nephews. After they all returned, we were at coffee one Sunday morning, as is the family habit, and the ones that made the trip were relating their experiences. Among those was how fabulous the food was. Everything was made fresh, no additives or enhancers. One of my nieces commented how she ate a lot of bread and, even though she has a gluten tolerance issue, had no stomach issues the entire trip. Within a couple weeks she had bought a bread machine and had purchased Italian bread flour online because it had no additives. She was pretty happy with her first loaf.
That got me to thinking about how it would be kind of nice to have bread without the additives, enhancers, etc. I started doing research online and discovered that in order for bread to rise properly it had to be “high gluten”. There really isn’t a defining value for “high gluten” but when I checked the brand that my niece bought it was 13%. That is about as high as bread flours get. I also found that many commercially produced breads add vitamins and minerals, and use flour that has been bromated. Potassium bromate is a chemical “dough improver” that is supposed to improve the rise and elasticity of the bread. It seems possible to me that the gluten intolerance may actually be an intolerance to all of these additives.
Researching machines I found that there are A LOT of them on the market. They can be quite simple or complex, can make just bread or many added things like cakes and yogurts. And the prices vary widely, from under $100 to close to $500. After researching bread machines for a month I decided to pull the trigger and ordered a KBS MBF-011 dual heater convection machine. This machine has 17 programs, and as the name implies, two heat rings rather that the standard one. It came with the bucket and paddle, measuring cup, teaspoon/tablespoon measuring spoon and a tool to remove the paddle from the bread if it stays in when the bread is removed from the bucket.
Then came the search for bread flour. The Italian flour my niece was buying was close to $5 per pound. Again, to the internet, where I found bread making groups on Facebook and Reddit and lo and behold, the favorite high gluten flour was from Costco. The Kirkland Signature Organic All-Purpose Flour is just ground wheat, no additives, has a gluten content of 11.5% and is only 85¢ a pound. No added wheat gluten required to make bread.
I’ll share my experience with my first loaf next time.
The Other Side of Grief?
A few months after my wife died a friend gave me a book that he said helped him after his wife had died a few years earlier. It is titled “Getting to the Other Side of Grief”, Overcoming the Loss of a Spouse. It is cowritten by Susan Zonnebelt-Smeenge, RN and Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Robert De Vries, an ordained minister and seminary professor emeritus. Both of their first spouses had died, so they experienced their own grief journey.
The basic premise of their book seems to be that grief is a journey that has a beginning and an end. They write in the preface that “the first writing of this book was done after completing our own grief work following the deaths of our spouses”.
Everyone has their own experience with grief, and there are several factors that impact that grief. There are some good points that I took away from this book, and I may post on those later. But here I will state that grief is not always “completed”. I believe that grief may never be completed. It is always there, with you, nudging (or punching) you at unexpected times. The grief is still there, but the ability to carry that grief increases similar to exercising increasing physical strength.
In my own journey I have seen my ability to carry the weight of my grief grow, but it still lets me know its there. And I’m ok with that. How about you? If you have dealt with grief is you “grief work” completed? Are you learning to carry it? Or is it still heavy?
Bread Machine Sweet Molasses Bread
We have enjoyed going to the Outback restaurant near us. And one of the items that I really enjoyed was the loaf of sweet molasses bread that came with the salad. To me it was a unique, wonderful favor that I was not able to find when I was out shopping. I recently tried this recipe for sweet molasses bread and I think it is my new favorite bread.
Sweet Molasses Bread
Equipment
- Bread Machine
- Measuring Cups
- Measuring Spoons
Ingredients
- ¾ cup milk at 80℉ to 90℉
- 2 tsp melted butter, cooled
- 2 tbsp honey
- 1 tbsp molasses
- 1 tsp sugar
- ½ tsp salt
- 1 tsp unsweetened cocoa powder
- 1 ¼ cups whole wheat flour
- 1 cup white bread flour
- 1 tsp bread machine yeast
Instructions
- Place the ingredients in your bread machine as recommened by the manufacturer.
- Program the machine for Basic/White bread, select light or medium crust.
- When the loaf is done, remove the bucket from the machine.
- Let the loaf cool for 5 - 10 minutes.
- Gently shake the bucket to remove the loaf, and turn it out onto a rack to cool.
Like Rain
Sheinelle Jones is a host on the Today Show on NBC where she has worked since 2014. Her husband, Uche Ojeh died in early 2025 following a battle with an aggressive form of brain cancer called gioblastoma. Shenielle had a sit down with Savannah Guthrie to talk about her journey with grief. This really struck home with me, especially the quote “When the rain comes, just look up at the rain and let come”. This is a clip from her interview.
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Nora McInerny – We don’t “move on” from grief. We move forward with it.
I get posts related to grief in my social feeds, for obvious reasons. Everyone experiences grief differently, but there are some similarities that we all have. An abridged clip of this TED talk by Nora McInerny showed up in my Facebook feed and I had to share it to mine. I subsequently watched her entire talk and I have to say, I totally connect with what she says. This is worth a watch, wether you are or have experienced grief or not. It’s a great primer for folks on how to approach, and support, those that are greiving.
Chicken Lo Mein
I started seeing cooking vids from Justin Holmes in my FB feed. I have really enjoyed watching his videos as he comes across as just a dad that wants to feed his family and likes to cook. Seems like a regular guy. This is the first of his recipes that I tried. And in my house, mushrooms go in just about anything, so I added mushrooms to this.
Chicken Lo Mein
Ingredients
- 1-2 lbs chicken thighs cut into strips
- 2 cups cabbage chopped
- 3 carrots cut julienne match sticks
- 1/2 onion cut in slices
- 1/2 cup cut Green onion
- 3 tbsp vegetable oil
- 8 oz Cooked lo mein noodles
Sauce
- 4 tbsp soy sauce
- 2 tbsps chicken stock
- 1 tbsp honey
- 1 tbsp oyster sauce
- 1 tbsp Ac’cent flavor enhancer
- 1 tbsp sesame oil
- 1 tbsp cornstarch
Instructions
- In bowl add and whisk together sauce ingredients
- Over medium high heat pan add 1/4 of sauce and chicken thighs cooking til browned and fully cooked
- Removed from pan and add onions and carrots cooking til charred to desired color stirring constantly so not to burn
- Add cabbage letting cook for a few minutes but not so long it loses its crisp texture
- Add in chicken, rest of sauce, cooked lo mein and green onion stirring til sauce is coated evenly
- Serve hot and garnish with sesame seeds for the finishing touch